The Incalculable cost of motherhood

Motherhood comes with a lot of joy, and I hope many of you had moments this weekend where it all felt worth it, when your kids looked up at you in adoration.

But let's be honest: flowers, breakfast in bed, or even a weekend away isn't enough to offset the real cost we pay to become mothers.

It goes beyond the physical transformation that we undergo to bring life into the world.
Beyond the rewired brain.
Beyond the lost friendships.
Beyond the motherhood penalty at work.

The biggest price women pay for the joys of motherhood is a complete loss in identity.

Being a mother changes our perspective to be outwardly focused. We become "Ryan's mom" or "Riya's mom," our own sense of self gradually fading into the background.

It takes most women years after their children leave home to relearn who they were before motherhood began. My 62-year old neighbor recently lamented that it took a tragic accident for her to finally prioritize herself, and learn how to navigate the world again as a person.

We can do better than this. Let's not wait 20 years to rediscover ourselves. We deserve to evolve an identity that's richer than before w e ha our children, yet distinctly separate from them.

How?

Make space in your life to do something regularly because you want to do it, not because you have to.

This week, commit 30 mins to put yourself first, think about what you want and where you want to be this time next year. This newsletter is chock full of ideas to get started.

Fun events around the bay

Can’t remember what you used to like to do pre-kids? Here are some fun activity ideas around the bay that you can do with your friends, by yourself or with your family to help start to remember some of your old interests or discover new ones.

Make your own perfume
Have a birthday or special occasion coming up? Treat yourself, and learn how to create a signature perfume that encapsulates your essence.
Blending Experience: $185
2825 Sand Hill Rd, Menlo Park

Feel Like You Have Nothing to Say in a Group?

As moms caught between work and home, we often feel like we've lost our conversational spark. Here's how to break free from the school-and-chores conversation loop:

1. Keep up with what's going on
   You don't have to know everything, but develop a few areas of interest relevant to people you interact with. Podcasts like Marketplace (5 minutes of economic updates) or The AI Daily Brief (15 minutes of AI topics everyday) can provide quick, digestible information.

2. Get the other person talking
   Have a handy set of questions beyond the usual small talk. Try "What would you do if you had an extra day each week?" or "What's a small purchase that's significantly improved your day-to-day life?"

3. Talk about your "before kids" passions
   Reconnect with who you were before parenthood by mentioning a hobby, skill, or interest you once loved (and might love again).

4. Ask about things you're curious about
   "I've been wondering about..." questions show your intellectual curiosity extends beyond family logistics.

5. Remember it's OK to just listen
   Some days you might not feel talkative, and that's perfectly fine! Being present and attentive is valuable too. The group appreciates your supportive presence.

STEM Spot: Making Crystal Flowers

Let’s focus on making memories with our kids. We want to feature an easy activity you can do with your kids to learn something new and have fun while doing it.
On the occasion of Mother’s day, grow sparkly pipe cleaner flowers while learning about crystallization!

1. Twist pipe cleaners into flower shapes (use green for stems).

2. Check the fit – make sure your flower fits in the jar without touching sides.

3. Mix solution – 1 tbsp borax + 1 cup boiling water.

4. Suspend flower in solution using string and stick.

5. Let it sit undisturbed for 24 hrs.

6. Remove & dry on paper towels. Enjoy your crystals!

For detailed instructions on making crystal flowers, visit: How to make Crystal Flowers

From rediscovering forgotten passions to reconnecting with your authentic self, it's time to reclaim the identity that motherhood may have overshadowed. Don't let self-doubt or endless demands stand in your way. Remember, Minerva is just a message away - whether you need help finding a workshop that sparks joy, scheduling much-needed alone time, or simply creating space to nurture the woman who existed before children came along.

Want to learn more about how we can reduce your mental load, and give you time back to invest in yourself?